Shedding a gloomy face

I was the kind of a child who was the teachers' pet at school, but was reserved to the core, especially when it came to matters of mingling with people. I was so very less outgoing. Even now I am not much better.

I used to put up a gloomy face whenever my mood was slightly or entirely off its best. Too much of time I spent on thoughts, and thus I used to be led to skirmishes of capricious threads, one leading to another and ultimately all these would squeal and scratch my skull from inside. Occupy all the pleasant space inside my mind. Over the time as my Innocence Quotient dropped, at the time of an increased reserve, my grey cells turned into a cornucopia of thought. This I welcomed with great relief. I was a refugee who sought something more than existence.

The coarse terrain of life weathered my reserved nature somewhat as I treaded along it, but my fervor for thoughts never died, it overflowed and some of it, words like these, left imprints on paper as well. The gloomy face was as effective as a Guy Fawkes mask in displaying a fabricated intent. It helped at times – at those when I did not want people to know what ran in my mind. But the same became a problem. 

It struck me a big blow when a well-wisher observed and pointed this out recently. I realized how much true his observation was, and how large an impact this had in my life. The gloom was read as an unwelcoming attitude, and thus many knocks passed by without falling on this naïve door.Opportunities are mostly biased to optimists. And I don’t want to lose any more chances in this rat race of a life.

Now I am shedding the gloomy face. I adopted a bright and happy face from then on - as a facade to positive thoughts that lay beneath. I try to think less, never let thoughts go astray, keep unnecessary anxiety at bay. Even without growing tumours of thoughts, it should be possible to spur my way through. I don't give a damn if the universe conspires or not.