While descending to wake up, I discovered an abnormal difficulty to open my eyes. The eyelids were restrained from any movement, they were so heavy today. It would be the fluids that hung over the lids, clogging the opening, I thought. An overnight's rest is very much required for the eyes which remain open throughout the day, seeing more unnecessary things than necessary, and being forced to open again immediately after momentary blinks of refuge. But it was not the fluid. Had it been, it would not have been that strong, that made me feel like my upper and lower lids have been sewn together. I was as much terrified as I was surprised, for the thought of a world without vision was unimaginable. Then to rescue my thoughts from peril, numbness of skin gave way to realization - there was something heavy that rested over my eyes. A couple of split-seconds later I found that my right hand. folded and rested just below my forehead, played the villain's role during my 'awakening'. Then as I slid my hand away, it rubbed my cheeks and chin, both thick with beard. "When was the last time I shaved?", I asked myself. I could not answer - I did not remember. The situation only worsened, when a couple of questions remained unanswerable - why did not I shave, and before that, were I the type of a person who shaved frequently? I was shocked to come face-to-face with my own state of depleted memory. That was a rendezvous I had had only in the worst of my nightmares.
There was more in store to add to this camaraderie of revelations - I was not able to recollect who I was - I had lost my identity. "Hopefully it has got to be somewhere in my pensive", I thought. I had to find it. But then why? What would be the use if I found who I was? Questions and counters sparred in my mind. Terror had started toppling my stability, and I almost gave in to it. To my rescue came this thought - "I have this sense, this feeling of physical existence, and I have this basic human philosophy at my command, unaffected. It is this peripheral memory which is the only thing missing, which cannot be summoned. That means I have left my sub-conscious, but not attained full consciousness yet. Can I term mine a semi-conscious mind? Yes! It should be! I am semi-conscious now!"
As I enjoyed with awe that rare delay while transcending from sub-consciousness to consciousness, a slight fear of somehow falling back to the sub-conscious forever flickered. Yes, spirituality has been for long sought after, but did I think "now that I have found a way, let me take my time; not so soon"? I should have, for else, I would not have pinched myself so hard that I jumped out (from my bed, I found later) and cried in pain. Yes, I was back, I recollected my name (and verified it with my records, really!). I sat back in a chair nearby, lost in contemplation. After a long time of thought, a sigh of contentment came out from me, I was happy to have experienced and escaped a dream in a different realm altogether. From then, all that I have been thinking about is: "When will I be able to dream next? How will I be able to take that dream to the next higher level?".
